Journey
by Karu-DarkAngel
Summary: I still see him and Reshiram in my dreams, flying away until I can't see them anymore, can't feel their presence in my mind anymore. FerrisWheelShipping.


**A/N: I love the Black and White Games and I also love FerrisWheelShipping. White and N just fit together in that kind of heartbreaking way...**

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Standing at the railing of the ferry and staring into the ocean probably isn't the most interesting thing to do, but I don't know what else to do with myself right now. He ship is not that big and to be honest I don't want to walk around and have to talk to people – it's actually funny because _before_ I used to talk with everyone I met, exchanging stories about my Pokemon, my journey, what I wanted to do in the future or just chatting about the weather.

Well, that has changed now and I don't even remember when _before_ ended and _now_ began.

The lines are blurred in my mind, but at least I remember the moment when I _knew_ that my old life was over – kind of – and that even if I tried I couldn't go back to just being one of the three kids from Nuvema Town who went out to explore Unova and learn all about Pokemon.

I miss that now, how we were back then, that certain innocence that we had regarding how the world should be and what the border between good and bad should look like. It isn't like that anymore, this innocence …it's just _gone_, and I didn't even try to get it back because I can't. Not now, not ever. That's the way the world outside of childhood is once you are an adult and you can never get back there, into the safety of your mother's arms where nothing can hurt you – it's one of the first lessons I learned on my journey and probably the hardest to accept.

Looking out over the sea in the direction I know Unova is I already miss them.

At the beginning I was thrilled to go out there with them, my best friends, Bianca and Cheren, and it was the greatest experience ever. Then at some point their constant need for contact annoyed me because it robbed me of the chance to explore the world on my own and now that I'm out to find my way without their aid I miss their presence terribly – the irony of it doesn't escape my notice.

Bianca is something like my little sister, even if he is only two months younger than me, and I always looked out for her when he were together, made sure that she didn't wreck any pricy furniture or fell down a cliff because she wasn't paying attention to where she was going – and no, I'm not making that one up. She is also the only real female friend I ever made and that just makes it harder to be away from her.

Cheren on the other hand is my not-related-but-still older brother and was always there when I needed him, when I wanted to know something about Pokemon or needed someone to tell me how stupid I was being. He always knocked sense into me and for that I'm grateful – more than I think he knows and it's a bit sad that I never exactly told him that.

He is a really great guy and I miss his advice, how he always could answer any question I had and looked them up to tell me if he didn't. Without him I will have to find those answers all by myself and I'm not sure if I'll be able to do that. Cheren and Alder where the last people I could really rely on and now that I'm on my own it becomes painfully obvious that I don't know what I'm doing – or, to be more precise, that I don't know what I _want_ to be doing.

Now I am just White, a seventeen year old girl that no one calls by her name anymore. Everyone else has too much respect now – I know it sounds stupid, it _is_ stupid, but I can't change it – to call me by my real name

It started when I walked into that damn castle and faced N – not because I wanted to, but because I had no choice in the matter – and Zekrom awakened for me.

I battled N, Zekrom fought against Reshiram and I -we won. And I thought it was finally over then, all of this, but of course it wasn't true, wasn't that easy, and Ghetsis proved it to me when I and my Pokemon had to fight against him too.

We won. Again.

The whole of Unova is aware of that. At age sixteen I became the youngest champ the region has ever had – what is funny, because actually I didn't defeat Alder and therefore am not a legal champion of the Pokemon League of Unova. But I won – twice – and that is everything that matters to the people. So I am not White anymore… I am the _Champ_ now.

That was the moment I knew that everything had changed and there was no way stopping it anymore. It was when people came to me for advice, when young trainers wanted to get tips on how to train their Pokemon from me – I sent them to Cheren most of the time – and even normal folks asked for my opinion, on where a house should be build or how the new Poké Center in town should look like – I asked Alder on that one.

Everyone knows me. Wherever I walk in Unova someone will recognize me and my Pokemon and will want to know my story, if all these battles were as great as they were told they were, and how it feels to be a _hero_. They want to see me battle and of course they want to see Zekrom.

One of my biggest mistakes was probably trying to keep it hidden – and no, I don't think it is soulless or anything, but I just don't think Zekrom has a gender and therefore keep talking of _it_ until I find a better solution. Not showing it only seems to have added to the mystery around it, and now the whole story about Zekrom and me has morphed into some kind of a new legend.

I'm not sure how I feel about that, because to be honest I'm still a little nervous around it. Zekrom's Poké Ball is the first on my right, always at hand if there is any real danger approaching, but I'm reluctant to just grab the ball and let it out. Part of that comes from the fact that it is …well, ancient seems to be quite the right word. I'm just a seventeen year old girl and the partner of one of the strongest Pokemon in the world, and I would lie saying that the thought doesn't care me more than a little.

The other reason I won't let it out is the one that is hidden in the back of my mind, buried deep so I won't muse about it every time I look at the sky like I do now… it's the knowledge that Zekrom can find Reshiram. They were one once, so of course it is able to find its other part, the missing half of the duo, no matter where it is in the world. And finding Reshiram equals finding N…

He has to find his own way, his own peace, I know that, but he still left me in that castle of his back then. He left me alone to deal with everything so he could go and find his inner peace, goo figure out what he wants to do with his life from now on.

I still see him and Reshiram in my dreams, flying away until I can't see them anymore, can't feel their presence in my mind anymore.

I hurts that he left like this and I desperately want to hate him for it, but the simple fact is that I cannot. I tried hating him, resenting him, but in the end it only hurts to know that he left _without me_.

Because what about me? Who said that I know what I want to do with my life, that I have a goal and a route that will lead me there? …well, I haven't. I don't know what do with my life anymore, I have no goal, no plan, and that every single citizen of Unova treats me like their hero only makes me more irritated with every passing second.

That's why I couldn't stand to be there anymore – not without N at least.

"Seeeer…"

Startled I turn around to look at Serperior who gives me that look that tells me that I zoned out again and that she is not pleased with it.

"Excuse me, Miss…"

Turning my head to the left I look at the man who could have been standing there for ages without me noticing him if Serperior hadn't gotten my attention. It's the captain of the ferry who gives me an apologetic look for having interrupted my thoughts – I stifle a sigh.

"Yes, is there a problem?" I cut him a small smile.

"No, Madam. I just wanted to inform you that we will reach the harbor of Sunyshore City in about ten minutes. I hope you enjoyed your time on our ship." his look is exceptional and I need a moment to figure out why.

Of course I am _Champ_ now, I am the hero of Unova and since this ship is from Castelia City the crew members are obviously fellow countrymen. The man is old, probably over 60, but he still wants my approval, wants the _Champ_ to tell him that they did a good job and that I am pleased with their work.

"Thank you for telling me." I nod, "It was a pleasure to make the trip on your ship."

His smile is sincere and his eyes glint with happiness and just for a second I am jealous of how easy it is to please him, but the thought has vanished an instant later and instead it just leaves me feeling empty, _lost_.

"Could you do me a favor, Captain?"

He straightens, "Of course."

"Please ask your crew in my favor to not tell anyone in the harbor that I traveled with this ship. I want… I have certain thinks to do in Sinnoh." it is a lie and I feel like shit asking that of him but it's just that I am so sick of people always recognizing me and asking me questions, wanting advise…

The captain's face becomes serious, "Done. I hope your journey will be… successful."

I _almost_ laugh, "I do too, Captain."

With one last glance he turns around and walks away, barking introductions to the crew on his way to the front of the big ferry and supervising how the ship enters the harbor. It is partly frozen because winter has already arrived in Sinnoh and landing looks like a pretty tricky thing to do in my eyes.

"Serperior, Carracosta, return."

The turtle lying by my feet only gives me a short glance before he is back in his ball, Serperior hisses at me one last time and Zweilous lets out two moans of disappointment from both heads when she sees that her friends are gone – then she notices that the ship has stilled and is on her feet running excited circles around me an instant later.

If Unfezant had been here he would have been pocking her on one of the heads by now for being impatient, but Professor Juniper needed him to fly around Unova and I just hope for her sake that between him and Eelektross the guys didn't drive her crazy by now. I miss them and their bickering as much as I miss Chandelure floating somewhere beside my head and lighting the way in a dark cave. Having them here would have been great fun, but I couldn't take them all with me – what still saddens me.

A loud hoot announces that the passengers are now allowed to leave the ship.

"Let's go, Zweilous."

She is running ahead of me before I have finished my sentence, flapping her tiny wings in excitement and looking back at me quizzically when I remain rooted on the spot for a second.

My hand automatically reaches for the first Poké Ball on my right and stills when I feel Zekrom's power sparking a tingling sensation in the top of my fingers.

One movement and one plea to find him would be all needed to be back by his side, to hear his beautiful melodic voice again, to look into his bright green eyes, to finally get back the feeling that I _belong_…

Shaking my head I take my hand back.

_Hope to see you soon, N._

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_**Feeback**** is always welcome :)**_  
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